Christine de Pizan, Le Livre des Trois Vertus

Paris: H. Champion, 1989. Introduction par Charity Cannon Willard et Eric Hicks. Translation (c) Garay and Jeay. pp.139-147

Here follows the letter that the wise woman may send to her mistress.

It could happen that, following the things described in the previous chapter, the young woman might behave so badly after the departure of her governess that gossip compromises her reputation and spreads so widely that the good wise woman of whom we have spoken, who used to have charge of her but now lives at home, hears about it. She is so saddened that the honour of her mistress, whom she has tried so hard to bring up well and teach, has been compromised, that she will bear it no longer.

Not knowing what to do at first, after a great deal of thought, she finally decides to write, whether the outcome will be good or bad, for sometimes what is written in letters is better remembered and makes a deeper impression on the heart than that which is merely spoken. Therefore she will write and express in her letter the warning she has already often spoken, so that perhaps some good may come of it. The letter will be written in words such as these by a reliable priest and sent to her very secretly:

My very noble lady -

I humbly commend myself to your good graces. Most noble lady, do not be offended or think badly of me that I am compelled to write to you for your own good, for it is love which forces me to do it. Because, most noble lady, I have been in charge of your welfare since you were a child until very recently. Although I am not worthy of such an honour, having cared for and protected you for so long, I may not stay silent about something which would bring you grief if I were not to point it out to you. This is why, dear lady, I write this letter to warn you, hoping that you will not think badly of me but realize that I am driven by my great love and desire to enhance your honour and good name.

My lady, I have heard rumours about your conduct which make me desperately sad and I fear the loss of your reputation. It seems to me that it is the duty of every princess and high-born lady, excelling in honour and status above all others, to excel in goodness, wisdom, manners, temperament and conduct, so that she can serve as an example on which other ladies and all other women can model their behaviour. Thus it is fitting that she should be devoted to God and have a calm, gentle and tranquil manner, restrained in her amusements and never intemperate.

Her laughter should be low and never needless, her bearing regal, modest and dignified, with a kind response and a friendly word for all. Her clothing and attire should be sumptuous but not excessive, her greeting to strangers should be gracious, never too effusive, being neither too slow in answering nor flirtatious. She should never appear too strict, bad tempered or changeable not too difficult to serve; she should always be kind and pleasant to her maids and servants, not too haughty, giving appropriate gifts which recognize those who are most deserving of being rewarded and generous to her best servants. She will surround herself with the best of them, rewarding them according to their merits, never believing or having faith in flatterers, but rather dismissing them once she knows who they are, nor will she believe the slightest gossip she hears.

For a lady should not be in the habit of chatting to either strangers or close friends in private, nor in any secret place, not even to any of her retainers or maids, so that no one may think that they know more of her private business than anyone else. And when she is with others, the lady never says in jest, to anyone at all, anything which all the others cannot understand, so that none of the listeners might assume that there is any silly secret between them. She should neither be too solitary in keeping to her chamber, nor too much in the view of others, but at certain times she should retire while at others she should be more social.

These were the very habits and manners, as befitting a noble princess, that you used to practice; now I hear that you have changed completely and that you are more prone to amusements, more talkative and more beautiful than you used to be. People often assume that the heart has changed when they see changes in the outward appearance. Now you wish to be alone and withdraw from everyone except one or two of your maids and a few other servants, and with them you chat and laugh, even in the presence of others, speaking in coded language, as if only they could understand. You are only pleased by their company and none of the others can serve you as you want; this behaviour promotes jealousy in your other servants and they conclude that your heart has been given to another.

Ah, my dearest lady, take care for heaven's sake! Remember who you are and consider the high position in which God has placed you. Don't allow your soul and your honour to be forgotten for the sake of some foolish pleasure. Don't be deceived by fantasies, as many young women are, leading them to believe that there is no harm in passionate love as long as there is no sinful act - for I am certain that you would rather die than even think of such a thing - and that they can live more happily if they make some man more brave and famous for ever. Nonsense! My dear lady, this is not true. For heaven's sake, don't allow yourself to be deceived.

Be warned by the example of the noble women whom you have seen during your lifetime who, being merely suspected of such a love - for the truth will never be known - lost their honour and their lives. I am sure, on my soul, that they neither sinned nor did any serious wrong, yet you have seen their children reproached and belittled. For any woman, rich or poor, such a love would be dishonourable; how much more serious is it for a princess or high-born lady, the more noble she is the more serious the offence. And this is quite justly so, for the fame of a princess travels throughout the world and any stain on her reputation is more widely known in foreign countries than that of a humbler woman. And also, a princess's children will be rulers over the land and princes over the people; there is great trouble when there is the slightest suspicion about their legitimacy and there is likely more trouble to follow. Even if there has been no physical consummation, people will believe the rumours. "The lady is in love", they will say, and for a few loving glances, perhaps given because of inexperience and without evil intent, evil tongues will wag and things which never took place, which were never even thought of, will be judged to have happened. The talk will go through mouth to mouth, never questioned, always believed.

Thus it is essential for a great lady, more than other women, to have greater concern for her behaviour, looks and words, because when they are in presence of a great lady, everyone pays attention to what she does and what she says. The lady cannot open an eye, say a word, laugh or do anything without all these things being put together, discussed and remembered by many people and reported in various places. You must realize, my very noble lady, that it looks very suspicious for a great lady, or indeed for any woman, to appear happier than usual or more light-hearted, wanting to hear talk of love more than usual, and then to suddenly change and become bad tempered, ungracious and argumentative, dissatisfied with her servants and paying no attention to her clothes and appearance. Indeed, those who witness this behaviour will say that she has been in love and is no longer.

My lady, this is not appropriate behaviour for any lady; she must always be careful, whatever her intentions may be, that she behaves and appears in such a way that such judgements cannot be made of her. It is true that it is hard to be careful where such love exists and therefore the best way to be sure is to avoid and flee from such entanglements. You may see, my dear lady, that every noble woman, and indeed every woman, should be more eager to acquire a good name than to win any other treasure because this shines lasting honour on the lady herself and on her children.

Noble lady, as I have discussed above, I can well understand the reasons which motivate any young woman to be tempted by this kind of love. It is youth, comfort and leisure which can make her say to herself: "You are young, you can enjoy yourself and you can love without doing wrong, for there can be no evil where there is no sin. You will inspire an ordinary man to be fearless. You will have a more happy life and you will acquire a true servant and loyal friend." She may use many other such excuses. Beware, my dear lady! For heaven's sake be careful! Don't let these foolish ideas deceive you. There are a hundred thousand times more griefs, bitter experiences and perilous dangers in such love affairs, especially for the lady, than any prospect of happiness. Such love brings many sorts of troubles; the loss of her honour, should the affair be discovered, is a high price to pay for such pleasure. And to say that there is no evil because there is no sin, alas! My lady, no matter how good her intentions, no one can be sure of herself in such a relationship.

Certainly, if it becomes known, as I have said above, the situation becomes impossible; there is no fire without smoke but there is often smoke without fire. And as for saying: "I will inspire a man to be fearless", I say that is great foolishness to destroy oneself to augment another, even assuming he really could be made fearless. She who destroys herself to augment another only dishonours herself. And as for saying: "I will have gained a true friend and servant, dear God! In what way could such a friend serve a lady? If she had any need of him, he would not be able to assist her for fear of dishonouring her; what would be the value of a servant who could not assist her in time of need? But there are those men who say that they serve their ladies in other ways, such as in feats of arms or in other ways. But I say that they are only serving themselves, because the honour and fame belongs to them and not to the lady.

Again, my lady, you and others might want to excuse yourselves by saying: "I have a difficult husband who is disloyal and cold towards me, and so I can seek my pleasure elsewhere, overcoming my melancholy and occupying myself". But, with all due respect to you or to anyone else who might say it, this is a worthless excuse, for it is foolish to set fire to your own house in order to burn down your neighbour's and also because she who has such a husband and tolerates him patiently and without giving in to temptation, greatly augments her soul's grace and accumulates much honour. And as far as pleasure is concerned, it is certain that a great lady, seeing as many other women as she wants, can enjoy good and respectable pleasure, pass the time and avoid melancholy without this kind of love. For those who have children, what greater and more delectable pleasure can there be than seeing them often and ensuring that they are well brought up and educated in all the things that pertain to their rank or station in life and their daughters are educated and trained from childhood in a way which prepares them to live well, following the example set by good companions. Alas, if their mother is not full of wisdom, what example does she provide for her daughters and for those who have no children?

However noble the lady may be, after she has said her prayers she should take up some handwork, embroidering fine linen or silk fabric with attractive designs or making other useful things; such occupations are good and prevent idle thoughts. I am not saying that a great lady should not be entertained, nor that she should not laugh and play in suitable times and places, even in the presence of great lords and gentlemen, nor do I say that she should not honour strangers appropriately, each according to their degree. But these diversions should be so moderate and dignified that not a single glance or laugh or word should lack restraint or reason; she should always be on her guard that no one perceives anything inappropriate or lacking in any word, look or expression. Heavens, if every noble lady, or indeed every woman, knew the value of good bearing, she would strive to obtain it before any other ornament, for there is no jewel which adorns her so becomingly.

And finally, my very respected lady, I must speak of the endless perils and dangers which accompany such love. The first and most important is that it angers God; next, if the husband or his relatives should hear of it, the woman is finished, or she is held in such deep disdain that she can never recover from it. You might suppose that none of these disasters will happen because the lovers are loyal, discreet and truthful. Men usually are not but instead they are untrustworthy, deceiving women by saying what they would never think or do. Also, the ardor of such love does not last long, and this is the case with even the most loyal love. Ah, dear lady, what will you do when this love is over and when the lady who has been blinded by clouds of foolish pleasure begins to be bitterly repentant, remembering the folly and many dangers she has risked; and how she wishes, whatever the cost, that it had never happened and that she had never given cause for such reproach. Surely you can never imagine what great repentance and regret linger in her heart.

And further, if you and all the others could see what foolishness it is to put yourself and your honour at the mercy of gossiping tongues, and in the hands of such servants, or those who are called servants but who perform such service that, however much they have promised and sworn to keep a secret, they will not keep their word. And in the end, often all that is left of such love is regret and the gossip of others about it, and all the time the fear remains in the woman's heart that he in whom she has placed her trust will talk about it, or that he will boast of it to anyone who knows of it. Thus her situation is changed from freedom to servitude. Thus you see the conclusion of service to this kind of love.

Can't you understand, my lady, that it seems to be a great honour for such servants to speak and even boast that they are, or have been, loved by such a very great mistress or famous lady? Why should they remain silent about it? As God knows, they will even lie, inventing what has not happened at all and exaggerating what has. All women should know and beware of this. Moreover, do you think the servants who know your secrets and in whom you have confided will keep your secret, even if you have made them swear to do so. Certainly, most of them will be annoyed if it is not known that they were more deeply in your confidence and closer to you than the others, and if they do not openly tell your secret, they will point their fingers and will hint with various signs which they are sure will be noticed. Good heavens! What servitude for a lady and all other women in this situation, who cannot reprove or blame her servants, even when she knows they are behaving very badly; she knows she is in their power. They have risen up against her and she dare not say a word but must suffer them to do and say things that she would not endure from anyone else. And what do you think that those who see and notice this will say? They will guess what has really happened and you may be sure that they will whisper about it.

And if the lady becomes angry and dismisses some servants, God knows that all will be revealed and discussed everywhere. It is often the case that these same servants may have been those who brought this love about, having encouraged it vigorously and diligently in order to win gifts, positions or other rewards for themselves.

Most respected lady, what more can I say? Be sure that you may as well try to dig a bottomless pit than recount all the perils of this amorous life. And don't think otherwise, for this is the truth. And because of this, very dearest lady, do not allow yourself to fall into such danger; if you had any thought of it, for God's sake change your mind before any greater harm comes from it. It is better early than late but better late than never. You can already see what gossip will spread if you continue in your new habits; they have already been noticed and discussed in various places.

I do not know what more to write to you. I humbly beg you, with all the strength I possess, not to think badly of me but rather to believe in the good intentions which have prompted me to say this. Certainly, I should prefer your displeasure for doing my loyal duty in reproving you than to win your favour by advising you to your destruction or by remaining silent.

Most respected princess and my most dear lady, I pray that God will give you a good and long life.

Written at the Tower.