Christine de Pizan, Le Livre des Trois Vertus,

Introduction par Charity Cannon Willard et Eric Hicks. Paris: H. Champion, 1989. Translated (c) Garay and Jeay. pp.197-200.

How Older Women Should Behave Towards Younger Ones and What Practices They Should Observe

Disagreement and discord too often spoil relationships between older and younger people. They are so different in their opinions as well as in their speech as to seem like two different species! Differences in age lead to different ideas about morality and to different lifestyles. Here let us discuss matters which may be useful in making peace in the ongoing war among women of different stages in life. First, let us consider the behaviour best suited for the older generation. All older women should be wise in their actions, clothing, appearance and speech. Wise actions should result from knowledge based on experience and upon the memory of the events they have experienced in their lives. Thus, a woman should behave according to previous experience. If she has seen good or evil resulting from a certain action, she will realize that similar situations will have the same outcome. Older people are usually considered to be wiser than young ones for two reasons: first, they are more thoughtful, so their understanding is greater. econdly, because they have had greater experience, they can learn from its lessons.

Because they are expected to be wiser, older people are more likely to be criticized if they are not. It is scandalous or simply ridiculous when old women act thoughtlessly or foolishly, or when they make the same mistakes as those who are young. They are rightly criticized for this. Therefore, the older woman should avoid all actions which are considered foolish. She should not dance, skip not laugh uncontrollably. However, if she has a joyous temperament, (for some are more joyous than others and this is not, in itself, a bad thing) she should express her vitality in a suitable way, not as young people do, but by amusing herself without being brazen.

She should be wise and self-assured, not bad tempered, sharp-tongued or ungracious, to give the impression that she is all good sense. Her good sense and wise discretion will keep her from those passions generally ascribed to older people, such as being petulant, ungracious and quarrelsome. When the wise older woman finds herself inclined to complain or to quarrel, she will say to herself: "My God, what is the matter with you! What do you want? Should a wise woman be carrying on in this manner? Why are you so upset? You can't change everything. Calm down. Don't speak so arrogantly. If only you could see how ugly your face looks when you are in this state, you would be horrified! Be kinder and more pleasant to your servants and to those you must supervise. Correct them more courteously. Avoid such anger for such behaviour is displeasing to God. It is also harmful for your body and makes you less popular. You must have patience!" This is how the wise older woman should speak to herself when she is moved to anger.

With the same good sense, the older woman should dress herself in ample and suitable clothing. Machaut was right when he said that an old woman's coyness is deserving of ridicule. Her face should be composed and honourable. For, no matter what anyone may say, it is a great ornament, the object of honour and reverence and it frequently reflects the character of an elderly person, man or woman, who is wise and honourable in all things. Her words should always be dictated by discretion: she should be careful that no false, dishonest, badly composed or disordered remarks come from her mouth. It is the cause of great scorn when silly or dishonest words come from older persons; they are supposed to provide everyone with a good example. Returning to the disagreement and discord frequently found between older people and younger ones, the wise older woman should be aware of this problem. When she finds herself having thoughts or saying things against young people because she cannot bear them on account of their youth, here is how she should think to herself: "Dear God! You were young once yourself! Think about the things you did then. Would you want someone to speak this way about you? Why are you so hard on them? Think about the problems of being young. You should feel sorry for them because you have been in that state yourself."

Christine de Pizan, Le Livre des Trois Vertus, Introduction par Charity Cannon Willard et Eric Hicks. Paris: H. Champion, 1989. Translated (c) Garay and Jeay. pp.188-192

This Speaks of Widows, Young and Old

So that this work will have greater benefit for women of all classes, we will now speak to widows of the humbler classes, having already discussed the situation of widowed princesses.

Dear friends, we pity each one of you in the state of widowhood because death has deprived you of your husbands, whoever they may have been. Much sorrow and many problems afflict you, the rich in one way and humbler people in another. The problem for the rich is that dishonest people often try to deprive them of their inheritance. The poor, or at least those who are not rich, are miserable because no one has any sympathy for their problems. And along with the sorrow of having lost your spouse, which is quite enough, you must also bear three particular trials which will assail you whether you are rich or poor.

First, as I have said, you will find hard-heartedness and a lack of care and sympathy everywhere. Those who have honoured you during your husbands' lifetimes, officials or men of high estate, will now pay little attention to you or may not even be friendly. The second grief confronting you is the many lawsuits and demands of certain people concerning debts and claims on your property and revenues. And third is the evil talk of people, who are often ready to attack you, so that it is hard for you to know what to do without being criticized. In order to arm you with good advice to protect you against these and all the other plagues, we wish to offer you some suggestions which you may find valuable, some of which we have spoken of elsewhere. However, they are also particularly appropriate here.

Against the hard-heartedness which you will find in everyone, the first of the three trials of widowhood, there are three possible remedies. One, and always the first, is to turn towards God, who was willing to suffer so much for human creatures. And if you reflect on this it will teach you patience, a quality you will greatly need; it will bring you to a point where you will place little value on the rewards and honours of this world. You will learn, firstly, how unreliable all earthly things are. The second remedy is to direct your heart to gentleness and kindliness in word and behaviour towards everyone. By this you will overcome the hard-hearted, winning them by gentle prayers and humble requests.

The third remedy, notwithstanding what we said above about gentleness and humility in words, dress and expression, is that you must learn the discernment and behaviour necessary to protect yourself against those who are only too eager to trample on you. You must avoid their company, having nothing to do with them if you can help it. Instead, you should stay inside your house, not involving yourself in disputes with neighbours or with anyone else, neither serving men nor maids. By always speaking well and protecting your rights, as well as not mixing with others unless you have to, you will ensure that they do not take advantage of you or ruin you.

Learn well how to avoid all kinds of lawsuits which may threaten you, which is the second point. They can threaten a widow in many ways. Firstly, if she is not informed but, rather, is ignorant in these matters, then it will be necessary for her to place herself in the power of somebody else who will look after her needs, and they generally are not diligent in attending to the needs of women, deceiving them and charging them 8 crowns instead of 6. Another problem is that women cannot come and go at all hours as a man can do, and for this reason it may be better for her to surrender some of what is due to her, if it is not too damaging to her interests, rather than involve herself in a dispute. She should carefully consider any reasonable claim made against her, or if she is compelled to be the plaintiff, she should pursue her case courteously and should explore alternatives for achieving her objective .... If she must do these things, bring her case to a successful conclusion and avoid further trouble, she must have the heart of a man. She must be constant, strong and wise in considering and pursuing her interests, not collapsing in tears and weeping like a simple woman without any other defence, or like a poor dog who hides in a corner while all the other dogs gang up on him.

Christine de Pizan, Le Livre des Trois Vertus, Introduction par Charity Cannon Willard et Eric Hicks. Paris: H. Champion, 1989. Translated (c) Garay and Jeay. pp.194-196.

Here We Speak of Unmarried Girls

It is certainly not correct, as we proceed with these lessons, to forget the women or young girls who are still virgins. We will speak of them in two different groups: those who intend to preserve their virginity for their whole lives, for the love of God, and those who are awaiting marriage, according to the decision and will of their parents. The difference between their intentions should be reflected in their clothing, conversation and way of living in the world.

For those inclined towards piety and solitude, a devout and solitary life is most suitable. While this kind of life is good for everyone, it suits some women better than others. If they are obliged to work to earn their living, or if they enter into service in a household, after their work is done they must render service to God with pious prayers and also with fasting and discreet abstinence. These observances must not be so extreme as to make them impossible to endure or continue, nor should they be troubling to their minds, for nothing too severe should be attempted beyond the bounds of good sense. They must avoid all sin, whether in thought or action, so that the good they do in one aspect will not be undermined by the other, for it would be worth little to be poor, chaste, self-denying and devoted and to be a great sinner at the same time. Everyone striving to be good should make a pure offering to God. To offer the king fine and excellent food mixed with manure and insects would give him no pleasure. He would refuse it, and with good reason. The maidens' talk should be good, simple and devout and not too wordy or elaborate. Their dress should be modest and simple, their manner quiet and humble, with lowered eyes and soft speech. They should find their joy in hearing the word of God and attending his church. Those who have chosen this life were born in a good hour, for they have chosen the better part. Young women awaiting marriage can be quite different. However, in appearance, behaviour and speech they should be temperate and honest, and especially in church they must be quiet, looking at their books with lowered eyes. In the street or in public they should appear modest and tranquil. In the house they should never be idle but always busy with some household task; concerning their clothing, garments and dresses should be well made, graceful and suitable, not provocative, and always clean. Their hair should be well-groomed, not hanging over their cheeks or dirty and in their manner of speaking they should be agreeable and polite to everyone, humble and not too talkative.

Attending social occasions, dances and gatherings, they must be particularly careful and on their best behaviour, for people will be looking more at them than at other women. They should dance modestly and sing in a low voice; they should not glance vaguely about here and there but look modestly downward and they should take care not to be socializing among the men, but instead stay close to their mothers and the other women. These young girls should avoid becoming involved in disputes or arguments with servants or maids or anyone else, for argumentativeness and rudeness are not only bad but also likely to damage their prospects, for servants need little provocation to spread false rumours. Young women should never be bold, flirtatious or course, especially in the presence of any men, whether they are household clerks, serving men or other domestics, and they should never in any circumstances allow a man to touch them, fondle them or be too playful, for this would damage their good name and reputation.

A young girl should be devout, especially concerning Our Lady, St. Catharine and all the virgin saints, and if she knows how to read, she should willingly read their lives. On certain days she should fast and be especially vigilant concerning food and drink. She should be content to eat and drink small amounts of meat and watered wine, for gluttony in eating and drinking is very unattractive in young girls. She must also be careful never to have been seen to have had too much wine, for she who has such a fault will not be seen to have any other virtue. All maidens should therefore water their wine and make it habit to drink little.

Above all other things, as well as the good habits and manners expected of them, all young women should be humble and obedient to their fathers and mothers, diligently caring for them, depending on their parents' judgement concerning their marriages and not making their own decisions or committing themselves without consent. Young women who are brought up and instructed in this way are very attractive to men who wish to marry.

Christine de Pizan, Le Livre des Trois Vertus, Introduction par Charity Cannon Willard et Eric Hicks. Paris: H. Champion, 1989. Translated (c) Garay and Jeay. pp.177-182

How women of property and townswomen should be suitably dressed and how they should protect themselves against those who would deceive them.

The third point necessary for you, women of property in the good towns, as well as townswomen, is concerning your clothing and apparel, which should not be extreme either in expense or style. And there are five particular reasons which should influence you against it. The first is that it is a sin and displeasing to God to pay too much attention to the body. Secondly, one is never admired more for such outrageousness, but rather less. Thirdly, it is a waste of money and impoverishes and empties the purse. Fourth, it sets a bad example for others, encouraging them to do the same or worse. The mature woman who behaves like an aristocratic young girl and the bourgeois woman who puts on the airs of one of higher status, encourage frivolity and ostentation to multiply by the day, with each attempting to outdo the other, leaving many people harmed and impoverished, in France and elsewhere. Fifth and finally, unsuitable, outrageous clothing cause others to sin by murmuring or uncontrolled covetousness, both of which are very displeasing to God. For these reasons, dear friends, because there is no good and so much possible harm in such extravagance, do not aspire to enjoy such frivolities. Each woman should wear clothing appropriate to the estate of her husband and herself; she who belongs to the bourgeoisie and wears clothing appropriate for a gentlewoman, and the gentlewoman who dresses in what a lady should wear, and so on, climbing from level to level, are clearly violating social customs. In any country these customs, if they are well-founded, restrict such behaviour.

Speaking of the fourth point, which concerns how to protect yourself from blame and poor reputation on account of the appearance, extravagance or style of your clothing. It is well-known that even though a woman is full of good will and does no evil act or thinks no evil thought, the world will never believe it if she is indiscreet about her clothes, and she will be judged badly, no matter how good she really is. Therefore every woman who wishes to protect her good name should be modest and unpretentious in her dress and accessories. Her clothes should not be too tight, too low-cut or immodest in any other way. She should avoid fashions which are too ostentatious, and in particular those which are too expensive and lacking in modesty. At the same time, her manner and expression must be restrained; as I have mentioned before, nothing is more unpleasant in a woman than a loud and uncontrolled manner, just as nothing is more pleasant than a pleasing countenance and self-control. Even though she may be young, a woman should be disciplined when at play or when laughing, if she would seem to be sensible. And she must speak without flirtatiousness or affectation, but elegantly, gently and appropriately. Her look should be modest, attentive and not vague, and as joyous as the circumstances warrant. Further to this matter, it is well known that unsuitable clothing and an immodest manner can prompt evil talk, condemnation and even worse dangers. She will amuse sinful men who will think that she is trying to attract their attention and will welcome their illicit love. Although she may not have considered such a thing and may only have acted following her impulse towards pleasure, men of various sorts will diligently pursue such women and will devise various strategies to win them over. What should a wise young woman do to avoid the blame, damage and dishonour which are the inevitable results of such love affairs? She should never permit herself to listen to such men nor behave like other idlers who are delighted to be pursued with elaborate gestures. To them it seems a fine thing to be able to say, "Everyone loves me, a sure sign that I am beautiful and worthy of their affection. I will not love anyone but will please them all, keeping everyone in suspense". This is not the way to protect your honour, indeed no woman can continue in this situation for long. Whoever she may be, her reputation will certainly suffer. The wise woman, as soon as she sees any sign that a man is attracted to her, must immediately give him the opportunity to change his mind. Discouraging him by her words and behaviour, she must persist until he realizes that she is not attracted by him. However, if he approaches her, she should reply in this manner:

"Sir, if you have any thoughts concerning me, please forget them. I tell you on my oath that I am not interested in such a love affair, nor will I ever be, I swear it. No man nor anything else on earth will make me change my mind and you can be certain that I will never change as long as I live. You are wasting your time if you think any more about it. Control yourself! Don't look at me like that or speak to me like that! I assure you that I will be very displeased and will take care never to go near you. I tell you this now and for ever and be assured that I will never return to the subject again. Goodbye!"

The wise young woman who values her honour will reply in this way, briefly and without lingering, to every man who propositions her. And her looks must match her words, which is to say that she must give no sign of encouragement by her glances or expression to any man who may think for a minute that he has a chance to succeed. And if he should send her anything, whatever it might be, she should firmly refuse it; she who accepts a gift sells herself. And if anyone should bring her a message from a man, she should say firmly and with a strict expression, that she doesn't want to hear another word about him. If any maid or serving man should dare to speak to her about him she should dismiss them from her household, for such a person is unreliable. She must find a way to get rid of them without any fuss or disruption. She should be especially careful that her husband does not find out, for despite her best intentions, such news might provoke him to a frenzy. And despite her best efforts to calm him down, this would be dangerous and unnecessary. She must protect herself wisely and be quiet and unchangeable; there is no man who will not give up eventually.

And she should not discuss this matter with the neighbours or anyone else, for gossip is always spread around and a malicious man who is rejected by a woman and finds that he is being gossiped about, will find ways to avenge himself. He will boast of the affair to make himself feel better, there being no reason to keep it quiet, and this does not reflect well upon the woman.

Also, women who wish to protect themselves from blame must avoid all company which is not good and honest and not join gatherings in gardens or other places which clerics, lords and others often arrange, entertaining a group of people to disguise some secret plan or romantic liaison. If a woman knows perfectly well that such a gathering is not what it appears to be, she should be careful that she is not providing cover for someone else and contributing to evil and to sin. If she has any suspicion that this is occurring, she should not attend. If she is wise she should consider where, with whom, how and who will be where she is intending to go.

Nor should she go on pilgrimages outside the town to have fun and amusement in jolly company, for this is nothing but sin and foolishness and it is wrong to use God as an excuse and cover for it. There is no merit in such pilgrimages, nor in trotting about the town as some young women do: on Monday to Saint Avoye, on Tuesday to wherever, on Friday to Saint Catherine and elsewhere on the other days. Even if others do it, there is no need for it. Not that we want to prevent the performing of good works, but bearing in mind the perils of youth and frivolity and men's great desire to seduce women, as well as the fact that words are often spoken too quickly and without consideration, the safest thing for the benefit of the soul and the honour of the body, is to avoid the custom of trotting here and there. God is everywhere and can receive the devotions of his faithful followers wherever they might be, and He requires that all things be done with discretion and not according to the wishes of the individual. Also bathing places, public baths and other such places where women often gather, are unnecessary and superfluous expenses and lead to no good. For all these and other similar reasons, a wise woman who loves honour and wishes to avoid reproof, should be very careful.